Gerhardt Hammerschmidt aka Gus Smith or SSmitty as we call him, Heils from Germany. He is a tough as nails ol' bastard with a history of adventure! The oldest of our sales team at 107 years old his career started as a mechanic working on German heavy machinery. He was a war hero back in doubleU doubleU duece where he killed "fiddy men" and spent 3 years in an allied prison camp. He worked hard and crawled through the trenches on his hands, knees and belly to become an engineer. He enjoyed leading the trains and its passengers across Europe to the camps where with his strong leadership and kill or be killed work ethic had him climb the ranks to camp councilor. We found him in Argentina in the seventies when the Vatican relocated him after the war because he said " I needed a change of scenery for health reasons." He still refuses to surrender and it's a master race to be the best in sales, and his own paraphrased words, "work will set you free," has made SSmitty our leader to victory in this war of auto sales and service!
Jimminy Slick is a wild and crazy guy who just cannot stay in one place for very long! He started his career as an odometer refurbisher who beat the means streets of Winnipeg Manitoba self employed! Being his own boss with a strong work ethic made Jimminy the top of the leader board selling used cars right from his hundreds of locations. This guy still knows the public car auction circuit like no one else, guaranteed! His care for the public had him going out of his way to meet the customer in any parking lot, gas station or even back alley any time of night to get that cash deal done! Back in the day you had better buy right then and there because calling Jimminy on his cell phone a day late and a dollar short would have you leaving message after message trying to track down this very popular car sales professional! When you're in that much demand with everyone trying to find you about your great deals "This number is no longer in service!" is what your gonna get! After a short hiatus from overwhelming business Jimminy is now with us and has had the same number for months! "Please leave a message after the tone."
Curt Hustle: Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Catch a man as a fish and get him to the sales office!" Says the improvished actor/salesman. This man reeks with smooth talk and charisma. He career started as a casual wholesaler who later graduated to full time sales manager and part time ladies man and actor. Curt can charm the pants offa anyone at a dinner theater to take a backseat into the car of their dreams. Whether it be a firey deal on a Fiero or a collectors item Ford Pinto the deals are as explosive as hell. "Let me talk to my manager Mr.Hustle" are the lines you want read when closing that deal and Curt Hustle will act on your best interest with no money down!
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will Robins: Is it ever too soon to say "I laughed so hard I died?" good deals never die,They live on in syndication. Mr. Robins started out his career as a spaced out clown in colorado selling snow related fun. by spreading line after line of laughter he managed to land gigs at some of the biggest and best locations to sell his way right into your wallet. Price means nothing to his customers and even if his name is on a steaming turd Heaven only knows that this top personality will be remembered as one of the best in the business where a chuckle makes a buckle! |
Ronnie Brasco: This guys squeals with delight and sings like a canary for the deals. Ronnie was born in small town Scranton Pennsylvania where he had deep admiration for success and wealth and deeply desired to be mobbed for attention. Born John Pistonjovi of Italian heritage he always was about keeping close with family. He changed his name to Ronnie Brasco to better relate to the few Italian families he uncovered from his former employment which still remains a mystery. Wow can this guy close deals and disappear onto the next operation! Although he may appear shifty and elusive when questioned, some questions should not be asked when it comes to business. Why would you answer a question with a question when wanting some answers of the answers? What are you a cop?
Handsom Anson Webber: AKA Potsewer. It takes more than good looks to sell fine rides but this handsome devil could sell ice cubes to Eskimos! Anson recalls his happy days in Milwaukee just hangin' out with the guys at the local diner eating hotdogs, dreaming of hotrods and making lead based pottery for kids. He never was a bright boy and an awkward nerd will no social skills. He's still as gullible as a teenage girl on lemon gin and just loves Karaoke even though he don't read good. His kindness, good looks and honesty makes up for how stupid he is.. After spending most of his life in the US of A, Anson came to Canada in search of his father and became a door to door salesman in seniors homes and kindergartens selling lead based dual use cooking pottery/bedpans thus earning him the nickname "Potsewer." This man showed a flash of brilliance turning his teenage hobby into a business that made him thousands of dollars! This is when Handsome "Anson Webber knew he was good at just one thing......Sales!
Just don't ask him anything about the car you are buying because he is clueless, but he will treat you right and you will be hypnotised when you look into his big dumb face and fall for them good looks.
Just don't ask him anything about the car you are buying because he is clueless, but he will treat you right and you will be hypnotised when you look into his big dumb face and fall for them good looks.
Gary Russo: "Hey ya wanna buy a watch" is where it all started in the Bronx. You name it Gary has sold it and consignment is his specialty. Whether it be the finest imitation cubic zirconia, Bolex watches, Boakly sunglasses, Proda purses and Saskatchewan sealskin leather jackets, Gary knows and does quality. He has sold life insurance, shared vacations properties, been an affordable housing property manager, ran a public washroom dating service and even a late night streetside pharmacy! Gary is the master of network marketing and the pyramid strategy of salesteams working under him. He's so cool and slick we call him Ponzirelli!" He can even hook you up with an Nigerian prince on the Ivory Coast to make you rich helping with some simple inheritance issues and money transfers. If you want that deal today you will have to leave a cash deposit! Waive the safety inspection and he will slash even more cost off the car because Gary is always ready to deal! 'Gary Appleseed' plants his roots everywhere and loves all of his children and their mothers! He prefers the company of the ladies as his clientele and his obsession with just being there for women has Gary repeatedly watching over his female customers. Yep that's him driving by at 3 in the morning to see if you gals are OK! His utmost respect and belief in gender equality has him demanding a woman pays for the date..... Or else. No means yes with this guy, so girls prepare to have a friend for life dealing with Gary. He will even come right to your home and he test your living room couch for quality. Even if it takes weeks he's that good at customer service!! The test drive never ends with Gary Russo on our team!
DISCLAIMER: Parody...Fiction....Not to be taken seriously.....NOT OUR REAL SALES TEAM, because in todays world we don't what to believe anymore. Believe me!